The Navjot Report
Firstly boys and girls I must furnish you with an apology for missing the entire first half of the season. When I tell you it has been 11 weeks of pure calamity you might think I’m talking about the misfiring Newbold batting line up but no, my attempts to get over to Leicestershire to watch my favourite bunch of erratic cricketers has been topsy turvy to say the least. It was all going swimmingly just before the season began as I cruised at 40,000 feet over Eastern Europe on my way into Birmingham Airport where I was to be picked up by the ageing quickish bowler cum pinchhitter Jon Healey. Frankly I was astonished that guy was still around after his near-death experience in The Swan last year and glad to hear that he has followed medical advice and cut down to a mere 84 Superkings day. Anyway, an hour before we were due to descend the pilot announced there was a great big cloud of ash over Birmingham which may cause some disruption. Imagine my horror when I found out that it wasn’t in fact my chauffeur Jon powering through Superking 37 of the morning while waiting diligently for me outside Terminal 1 but the product of a volcano that had erupted in Iceland. We were to be diverted to Madrid and I called Jon immediately via the in-flight satellite phone to advise him. Unfortunately it went straight to voicemail but in all fairness he did ring me back in mid June saying he was very sorry but he had fallen asleep after a night shift and had only just woken up.
Anyway, once on the ground at Madrid Airport I contacted my favourite medium pacer Mark Henderson who was due to put me up in his spare room this season to let him know I would be late arriving in the country. Out I strolled to the cab rank, threw my luggage into the first cab on the rank and I asked to be taken to Thorpe Astley. Would you believe it, for some reason the taxi driver hadn’t heard of it but I’m sure I caught something in his garbled Spanglish along the lines of “itsa longa way to Thorpe Astley.”
To cut a long story medium I couldn’t get out of Madrid for a couple of days and I was taken under the wing of a lovely local boy Paulo Batemanandez who had a canny resemblance to the Spanish FA Cup trophy. To be honest in those two days I grew very fond of Paulo and we developed a friendship that made me want to stay in Madrid forever more. However a couple of weeks ago there was an incident that I don’t really want to go into but lets just say it involved a McPaella and a curly 70s wig and somewhat soured our friendship.
I managed to find a cheap flight into East Midlands where I was met this time by specialist fielder Matt Gransden who works in nearby Long Eaton. I found this quite funny as to my foreign ears it sounded a bit like Long Eating and Grano certainly looked like he’d spent a long time eating since I last saw him in September.
I was disappointed to hear that Hendo had made alternative arrangements on the assumption I was not coming and had a new lodger due to move in. This limited my options somewhat with some of the younger players still living with their parents and the older ones starting to have families I was left to lodge with the only other first teamer who lived alone, Huw Davies. Now I’ve lived in some pretty rough places but when I was shown to the spare room at Chez Dingle I was horrified to find no curtains on the window looking straight out onto a bus route, the replacement for the tatty existing carpet rolled up in a mess across the bedroom floor and a fat smelly lump a little reminiscent of legendary all-rounder Luke Dyke snoring away in the bed. Another one who looks like he had wintered in Long Eating. No wonder the season is going so badly.
First job was to get down to the nets and see how the lads were looking in practice. Unfortunately my enquiries were met by a response of “erm, we don’t net anymore Navjot” from a slightly embarrassed vice-captain. No wonder you are all bloody rubbish said I and immediately got on the phone to club captain Neal Bateman to sort this nonsense out. I was hardly ready for what ensued and I copped a barrelful of abuse from the skipper proclaiming I was s**t, he was s**t, the whole world was s**t and Dingle was a c……well I should stop short of telling you what he called his trusty right hand man as it is a family website, but looking at the scorecard from the Leicester Ivanhoe game it didn’t take much working out who ran the skipper out first ball.
Alas it is not like me to go on forever so we’ll move on to the league game at home to Twycross, my first glimpse of the Newbold boys in action since last seasons anti-climax at Grace Road. Team news saw three names missing from the expected list as my favourite all-rounder Paul Bateman decided to get married during the cricket season. This is unforgivable in itself but selfishly naming Neal as his best man thus depriving the team of their captain as well was taking things too far. I suppose he has to get a bowl somehow though. Also attending the wedding was new recruit Andy Davies who I hope for his sake is no relation to the other first team player going by that surname.
The Twycrossian’s won the toss and confidently elected to bat on a gloriously that weathermen describe as perfect for cricket but a bit too hot to get married. Tight bowling early on from the oldest new ball partnership in the league saw Twycross struggle to gain any early momentum and opening bat Allman showed signs of frustration as he attempted to dance down the wicket and the surprisingly fresh looking Healey, anyone would think he’d been asleep for a couple of weeks. The aggressive intent from Allman was returned with interest as Healey produced a quickish spell with little luck returned figures of 1-23 from his 12 over stint. I hear that spin has been the key to the limited success achieved this year and fully expected the spin triplets to rattle through the visiting middle order as they have apparently been doing all year. However my return to Alans Way seems to have coincided with Dingle’s yips returning and Dyke and Sheephead Bird also bowled four-balls aplenty as young Twycross batsman Jonny Mulholland tee’d of with great success lifting his team to a competitive 186-7 from their 45 overs. From a coaches point of view Newbold looked a seam bowler short which could be avoided by the simple scheduling of weddings during the months of October-March.
After a delightful tea openers Wilkinson and Gransden strode out in search of victory. Gransden was out to avoid his third consecutive duck and I was expecting a nervy time as he searched carefully for that elusive single run to get him off the mark for the first time since mid June. Of course, I should have known better and in typical style Grano avoided the hat-trick by planting the new ball bowler straight back over the sightscreen for six. After three overs the score sat on 27-1 and as long as wickets remained intact it looked like it could be a swift chase to victory before heading to join Mr & Mrs Bateman in celebration of their marriage. However Newbold never do things simply and stand-in skipper Dingle found himself striding out to bat as drinks were taken in the 15th over with the score on 70-5, run rate no problem but half the team back in the hutch. A partnership was required and the skipper and Ryan Bird settled down to bat some time, giving so much respect to veteran campaigners Ben Machin and Neil Alexander you could have been mistaken for thinking they were facing Warne and McGrath in their pomp. In search of a wicket Twycross turned back to their younger bowlers which would prove the key period in the game. Davies and Bird both preferring a bit of pace on the ball sensed it was time to push on for the victory but Dingle was undone by a fine yorker from Kieran Mulholland who also then removed Randall (albeit with a long hop) who looked set to win the game for the home side.
Entertaining hitting from Healey got Newbold close before his desire for Superking 78 took over and he left a straight one. Mulholland added to his removal of both set batsman with another yorker to dismiss the in-form Sheep and it was left to Dan Ball and Mark Henderson to seek the final 5 runs with 9 wickets down. A glorious cover drive for 4 through extra cover from Bally ensured that the home side could not lose but as the field came up next ball he chipped straight to cover as Mulholland took his 4th crucial wicket to leave the game tied on 186 a piece, a frantic end to a fantastic game that both sides will think they probably should have won.
In the end it was a story of brothers. The absence of the brothers Bateman and the presence of the brothers Mulholland hurt the home side on the field but on the plus side it now appears that since my last visit the brothers Bird now actually speak to each other and I found out after the game that luckily for Andy he is not Dingle’s brother. This was given away by the fact I spotted Andy drinking Coca-Cola all night at the wedding reception of Mr & Mrs Bateman, something no relation of Dingle would ever dream of unless it contained three quarters of a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Till next time folks.
Navjot xx |